Maybe World’s Best Mom Wears Crocs

parenting, storytelling

One thing I originally thought was weird but that I’m super into now is that Remmy is required to write with a fountain pen at her school. A super fancy buy-the-ink-cartridges-separately fountain pen. Had it been my preference, I would have thrown a box of Bic Stics in her backpack and called it a day.

They totally won me over with their reasoning, though. Writing, they say, is an art. The written word is important. They want their students to respect that and take care of their pens – a fountain pen, as you might know, is not as low maintenance as a clicky-click pen from the local tanning salon, but when used well, it writes beautifully. And while a lot of schools have removed cursive writing from their curriculum, Remmy’s school reveres it as an important art.

Like, I’m standing up right now with my Merriam-Webster dictionary over my heart, waving palm fronds in the air because I love that.

Remmy, my sweet kindergartner, gave me a “world’s best mom” award on Mother’s Day. (If you guys got the same one, I assure you yours is probably fraudulent and there has been talk of an underground counterfeit award ring among elementary school students and you should likely be concerned that your child is involved in criminal activity.)

I got it and I was like sniff sniff, Rem, I love it.


She’s totally getting the hang of the fountain pen, and I love the portrait of the two of us doing the Wobble. (I’m just going to assume that we’re doing the Wobble.)

But then… but then I saw a list to the right. There’s a “mom checklist” where your child can check off all of the wonderful things you are. So I scanned the list, and I’d like to point out two things she did not check off.

I could devote an entire This is How I Feel to exactly how I felt.

Remmy, have I picked you up from school wearing Crocs?
Remmy, have I ever done the macarena at your school dance?
Remmy, wouldn’t the world’s best mom be cool and funny, too?

My award is a lie. *sobs*

Despite my faux melodrama, I think it’s hysterical that this ALREADY STARTS with the kindergarten set. The night before, I had taken the girls to a carnival and noticed that I was standing there, handbag slung over my shoulder, holding a pile of discarded kid-sweatshirts and a large bag of cotton candy, wearing leather sneakers and singing along to the band doing a cover of Rusted Root, and I was just like… okay I get it now.

I’m cool on the inside, Remmy. 

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  • Reply Shelly May 13, 2014 at 11:03 am

    This was hilarious. Thanks for the great read!

    • Reply Roo May 13, 2014 at 12:50 pm

      Thanks for reading, Shelly! ;)

  • Reply Natasha May 13, 2014 at 11:05 am

    They may be on to something with this fountain one thing, because Remmy’s handwriting is fantastic. My 4th grader, sometimes….still….I’m like WHAT IS THIS?! But she’s a lefty and all her fingers are double jointed, so we let it slide…..
    Must go contact the FBI, obvs your kids have roped mine into their counterfeiting ring.
    I think you’re a cool mom. Never wearing crocs is a huge style ups. And you totally have awesome hair. And taste in bags.

    • Reply Natasha May 13, 2014 at 11:06 am

      *pen. Obvs.

  • Reply kirby May 13, 2014 at 11:07 am

    Bwhahahahahahahahaha…..hilarious and I love you!!! One day, one day you will be cool and funny again just not today…..to us you are but it’s the same drill in my casa!

  • Reply Sara May 13, 2014 at 11:14 am

    I immediately recognized the wobble in that drawing. It’s pretty obvious. Thanks for the laugh.

    • Reply Roo May 13, 2014 at 12:56 pm

      Remmy’s got wobble game, so I’m not surprised she focused on our best features….

  • Reply Joanna May 13, 2014 at 11:45 am

    Well obviously mine was the real one!! :)
    I apparently cook a lot because my son said I like to cook, we like to cook together, and I’m a real good cook (I always feel like I fall short on the cooking thing, so it made me laugh this was the thing he thought the most about me). And I’m nice, I’m really nice, and fun… I got fun, I loved getting fun. I didn’t get cool either. I guess even in kindergarten I have lost my cool factor, I mean inside I feel cool and hip and then I’m reminded, no, I’m neither of those things, I’m just a mom (I would rater be that than cool anyway).

  • Reply Kristy @ Kristy's Health Revolution May 13, 2014 at 11:45 am

    Ouch, Remmy. Ouch. I guess just focus on the positive?

    I can assure you that your readers find you both funny and cool. But now I’m worried about whether I am funny and/or cool because Remmy surely is more of an authority on the matter….

  • Reply lonek8 May 13, 2014 at 11:50 am

    I did NOT get a worlds best mom award, but I guess now I can soothe my bruised feelings with the comfort that my children are upstanding citizens. And I think you are both cool and funny, but having never been those things myself it is possible my judgement is suspect. Happy (two days after) Mother’s Day!

    • Reply Roo May 13, 2014 at 12:43 pm

      Hahaha congratulations on not raising criminals. Proud of you.

  • Reply Alix May 13, 2014 at 11:54 am

    I am officially in DEEP LOVE with Remmy’s school!! That is my perspective as well, and I think Remmy and her classmates will definitely benefit from that approach later in life! I have a close friend who taught grades 1-7 (one room schoolhouse!) and she doesn’t teach cursive, except on an individual basis for the letters of each child’s name, so they can develop their signatures. (They may learn the “other” letters with her on their own time if they wish.) Cursive, penmanship, and neatness matter, though!
    TL;DR Go, Remmy’s school! :D

    P.S. If you can’t sing along to a Rusted Root cover, who CAN you sing along to? ;)

  • Reply Laura McClellan May 13, 2014 at 11:56 am


    I mean, sorry for your heartbreak.

    • Reply Roo May 13, 2014 at 12:44 pm


      ps sorry that sucks

  • Reply Robin Plemmons May 13, 2014 at 12:12 pm

    Haha. Not funny or cool?! At least you’re brilliant. You’ve got that going for ya. Totally love that they’re teaching the art of lettering that way. Speaks to my ink loving soul.

    • Reply Roo May 13, 2014 at 12:47 pm

      I’m hoping my kids can intern in Asheville one summer and come back and have amazing handwriting. Is that a possibility? Don’t… don’t let them smoke pot.

  • Reply Nicole May 13, 2014 at 12:32 pm

    Oh, it starts younger. My daughter and I went to dinner with my parents for Mother’s Day, and while we were waiting for a table, she was off pretending she didn’t know me.

    The child is 2.

    And she is *not* ashamed to be seen with her grandparents. Just me.

    I would like to point out that I did not smell, nor were my clothes mismatched. They may not have been perfectly in style, but she approved the outfit before we left the house. (She is my fashion consultant. Because, honestly, she has better taste than I do.)

    However, she thinks I am hilarious. Especially when I make faces, bibble my lips, or make noises that mimic bodily functions. Making fun of Daddy also gets me comedy points; I suspect that, in her eyes, he’s even less cool than I am.

  • Reply Kristin B. May 13, 2014 at 12:43 pm

    I love getting these every mother’s day. I love how they evolve as well. I don’t think my kids would ever say I was cool or funny. BUT, this year I was, and I quote, “My mom is….always going to be my dictionary and calculator.”. Yep….definitely the cool and fun one right here!

  • Reply Jess May 13, 2014 at 12:55 pm

    This just made my morning.

  • Reply Steph Reiner May 13, 2014 at 1:52 pm

    I can just see you throwing your hands up and being all “Remmy COOL AND FUNNY ARE HOW I DESCRIBE MY WRITING. You know, the THING THAT I DO FOR WORK ALL THE TIME.” Please do a TIHIF on this.

    Or maybe it’s just inevitable. Even if we try to be cool moms, we end up looking like Amy Poehler on Mean Girls and our kids are still embarassed/annoyed by us. I for one, plan on embracing it. Macarena and all. Okay, but not the Crocs.

  • Reply Titania Jordan May 13, 2014 at 1:53 pm

    BWAHAHAHAHAhahahaha. *Stands up, wipes tears of laughter from face, and claps*

  • Reply Tracey Mc May 13, 2014 at 2:05 pm

    This is hilarious…patiently waiting till TIHIF based on your reaction to this. Love the school’s concept behind ink pen/ penmanship! Rem’s handwriting is awesome for a K!

    PS- I got a list too and cool wasn’t on it! I don’t even own Crocs!

  • Reply Cheri @ Overactive Blogger May 13, 2014 at 2:18 pm

    This reminds me of when we were kids and we used to write horribly mean notes to my mom when she wouldn’t give us what we wanted. We all think you’re cool though!

  • Reply Wendy May 13, 2014 at 2:38 pm

    Mega congrats to Remmy’s school for teaching cursive and requiring the fountain pen use.

    Our daughter’s only 17 months old, but I asked my husband what his thoughts were on kids learning cursive versus not, as, until recently, I taught in the public schools and have seen the decline of it. He was “meh” on it, but when I approached it from the art perspective, he was on board.

    He even offered to take a calligraphy class, if needed, with our children and recalled how he loved watching his Mom with her pens.

    Again, thank you, to Remmy’s school and for your supporting her!

  • Reply Laurie May 13, 2014 at 2:42 pm

    When I was in 7th grade, they taught us calligraphy. It was super fun and then some of the students were recruited to help complete the graduation certificates. I always thought that was super smart.

  • Reply Larissa May 13, 2014 at 2:49 pm

    “Like, I’m standing up right now with my Merriam-Webster dictionary over my heart, waving palm fronds in the air because I love that.” – Quite possibly my most favorite thing you’ve ever written.

  • Reply Anna May 13, 2014 at 5:17 pm

    HAHAHAHA. This is AMAZING! I mean..your certainly funny :P

    • Reply Roo May 13, 2014 at 6:50 pm

      I like how you left out cool. Whatever, Anna.

      • Reply Anna May 13, 2014 at 6:58 pm

        Hahahahaha. <3

  • Reply Megan May 13, 2014 at 5:32 pm

    See, I was kind of hoping that my kids won’t know better, because they will grow up around me and assume that I am normal/cool… but now I kind of doubt it :-/

  • Reply Jenni Chiu @ MommyNaniBooboo May 13, 2014 at 7:01 pm

    Moms can never be cool – it’s a rule.
    As far as funny goes – I think you’re funny, but I’m a different audience. You should probably work on your potty humor if you really wanna impress the kids. ;)

  • Reply Sarah K. May 13, 2014 at 8:03 pm

    I use that same printable thing in my 1st grade classroom, and sometimes I have to walk by while kids are working and be like “ummm, maybe you should check a few more boxes.” Lol!

  • Reply Jackie May 14, 2014 at 1:44 am

    I can’t even imagine how tough that was for you…it made me laugh hysterically though. I have never been a kind friend, have I?

  • Reply lindsay @ fueled by diet coke May 14, 2014 at 2:00 pm



  • Reply Andrea B (@goodgirlgonered) May 14, 2014 at 7:49 pm

    I love this. We’re all cool, aren’t we? I mean – we have to be. :)

    And you’re totally Wobblin’. It’s awesome.

  • Reply Sarah @ Pretty Providence May 15, 2014 at 9:53 am

    HAHAHA – oh my gosh. You are funny. The checklist thing is kind of a Pandora’s Box though right? I mean what about the poor parents whose kids didn’t check Kind, Loving or Pretty? That would be the WORST.

  • Reply Friday Faves + Weekend Links | Cuddles and ChaosCuddles and Chaos May 16, 2014 at 8:12 am

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  • Reply Niki May 16, 2014 at 8:42 am

    I am 100% sure that when she becomes a mom and reads your blog, she will think that you are beyond cool and beyond funny!

  • Reply Chase June 27, 2014 at 2:50 pm

    I’m late to this post, but this made me laugh out loud (okay, it would have been out loud had my mouth not been full of string cheese…but “this made me almost choke on my string cheese” doesn’t sound like a good thing). And I’d love to see a TIHIF devoted to it.

  • Reply What's in My Bag Redux - SEMIPROPER September 3, 2014 at 3:27 pm

    […] and totally belongs in her backpack. (They use fountain pens at her school to promote the art of handwriting, which I just […]

  • Reply Erin November 25, 2014 at 10:21 pm

    I found you through a post your wrote for scratch or sniff since I have a little girl with allergies too. And you are hands-down my new favorite blog. THANK YOU!!

  • Reply MichelleLG May 8, 2015 at 11:25 pm

    (1) I can’t belive I haven’t commented on this post before now.
    (2) Rusted Root!!
    (3) Remi is looking much too grown in your lastest post on scratch and sniff. For reals, stop feeding her or something. See if you can slow down this whole time and growing up thing. Maybe you should work on an app for that. ;) also an app for allergies. Yep. ;)

    • Reply Roo May 10, 2015 at 9:38 am

      Work on ::::all:::: the apps!

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