Quantcast

I’ll Take a Fountain Soda

storytelling

I rolled out of bed at 5:00am, changed out of my pajamas, and pulled on gym shorts and a t-shirt.  Told Jack I was going to the gym, which was pointless, because he’s not actually conscious until closer to 8:00am.

Met with a personal trainer who is young enough to be my grandson and works out for a living.  The whole workout was one big embarrassment.  It wasn’t until ten minutes in that I realized that my t-shirt was tucked into my shorts, so I looked like one of those retired mall walker dudes that wears a fanny pack and talks to himself while doing calf stretches in front of Sears.  Trent made me lift weights over my head and do this crazy ab workout which made me wildly aware of how three pregnancies in a row will basically wreck your entire abdomen.

I was in the middle of working some crazy weight contraption when my body was like “Hey, Roo.  You know what?  This is stupid.”  I was shaking and Trent was all, “You’ve got this!” and I was all, “I appreciate your fervor, but I totally don’t.  Watch me drop this weight, like, right now.”  And he reached over and caught the machine like he was carrying a feather in the palm of his hand and sort of saved my life while I just sweated and panted all over the place.  My body was revolting against me.  A total fight or flight scenario.  And my body was like, let’s roll out, stat.

You know how sometimes you’re at a convenience store, and you just filled up at the pump, but you stop in for one of those giant Arizona iced teas and… if I’m honest, enough snacks to send you into a sugar high followed by a sad, sad, crashing low?

And you’re in line and you imagine what you would do if someone came in and pulled out a gun and tried to rob said convenience store?  And you start coming up with plans of action in your head?  Like… okay, maybe I’d hide behind that rotating FunYun stand and use my phone to text five of my friends to call the police.  “@ gas station on Ocean. Masked guy with gun. Call 911. Not LOLS, totes for reals.”  That would be FLIGHT.  I think.

Or maybe, the second the guy pulled out his gun, I would instinctively throw my elbow back into his throat, catch him off-guard, grab his gun and then throw him over the counter.  The owner would cuff him to the lotto machine (I don’t know, in my head, convenience store owners have handcuffs stashed away just in case.. maybe), and he’d be all “Free Icees until the cops get here!” but I don’t like Icees so I’d ask if I could sub that out for a fountain soda and then he’d be all “No substitutions!” and then I’d say “Hi.  I saved your life.”

That would be FIGHT.  I think.

You do this whenever you’re in a convenience store, right?  Right, Cat?

Yeah, it’s kind of gross.

Previous Post Next Post

27 Comments

  • Reply ColleenwithMurals&More June 20, 2012 at 9:53 am

    This scares me, Roo. More like, freaks me freakin’ out. I seriously thought I was the only one.

    I blame it on old TV shows that I’m old enough to remember before they were on TVland. Ok, I take that back I don’t think Wonder Woman or Cagney & Lacey were ever on TV Land.

    You have no idea what I’m talking about do you? No worries. I’m used to being a vintage/retro kinda gal.

    • Reply Roo June 20, 2012 at 11:54 am

      I may have watched an episode of Wonder Woman. When I was five. Under duress.

      :)

  • Reply Milkshake Tim June 20, 2012 at 10:06 am

    I analyze every location in which I find myself so that, in the event a katana fight breaks out “Kill Bill” style, I will be ready. I also have “Battle Without Honor or Humanity” ready on my iPod, just in case. (link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JsvwYU9K504)

  • Reply Jenn @therebelchick June 20, 2012 at 10:24 am

    You are my new hero, simply because I also devise flight or fight plans in my head in basically every situation I am ever in. :)

    • Reply Roo June 20, 2012 at 11:55 am

      If we’re ever in the same convenience store… the bad guys better watchoutttt.

  • Reply Melissa June 20, 2012 at 11:18 am

    That is hilarious and I would “flight”.

    • Reply Roo June 20, 2012 at 11:56 am

      You know… I have no idea what I’d do! :P

  • Reply Lynds June 20, 2012 at 11:25 am

    Major props for making it to the gym with not only a newborn but two others that require a lot of work! At least I tell myself they require a lot of work since mine are the same age and I’m lucky to make it to the gym 2X a week!

    • Reply Roo June 20, 2012 at 11:57 am

      They are a lot of work. The only thing that works for me is getting up.. working out.. and being home before anyone wakes up.

      Of course, it also makes me ZZZZzzzz.

  • Reply tricia June 20, 2012 at 11:44 am

    So, this one time, when the hubs and I were driving out to Chicago to surprise my parents, we had to stop at the sketchiest gas station in the wrong part of the city. The hubs had to go in and pay (oh the horror) and I was stuck in the car, at 11 pm, by myself. I literally crawled down into the floor board of the front seat, hiding myself from anyone who might want to break into our car and kidnap me. I was scared to death the hubs was going to get shot. Also, since we were surprising my parents, no one knew we were on our way there so if we got killed, no one would realize it for a few days.

    All of that to say I hate gas stations.

    • Reply Roo June 20, 2012 at 12:53 pm

      Oh man… reminds of this one time that I had to go to the ER. We didn’t get out til about 3am, and we had to stop at this 24 hour drugstore for scripts in a sketchy part of town. Jack went inside, and I passed out in the passenger seat. I woke up to a STRANGE MAN shining a flashlight in my face. Thankfully, it was a police officer, and he wanted to make sure that I wasn’t dead. Then he went inside and told Jack, “Sorry, man. I think I really scared your wife.”

      • Reply polymathamy June 20, 2012 at 1:19 pm

        I stopped at a gas station in a small town with a flat tire. A couple of very nice country folks offered to help me change it. In the middle of the event, one of the men turns to me and says, “I think I know you… You’re Amy, right?” Okay, small town, I grew up in the neighboring small town, so it wasn’t entirely unexpected that he might know my family. Then he said, “Naw, I’m just kiddin’ – I saw your name on your bag inside the car.” That’s just creepy, dude.

  • Reply Tavianna June 20, 2012 at 12:40 pm

    I spent 2 and half years of my life working at convenience stores. When I was 5 months pregnant, I was attacked at work and had a register thrown at me. Along with some lighters and novelty items. Flight. Flight all the way. I basically stood there in shock watching it all happen and then, when he left, locked the door and hid in a corner and cried until my manager got there. In. San. It. Y!! My daughter is now 2 and I was really lucky I didn’t lose her! Scary. Shit.

    • Reply Roo June 20, 2012 at 12:51 pm

      NOOOOOOOOOOO, Tavianna, that is the craziest story ever!!! Oh man, I’m so glad you and your daughter are okay!

  • Reply Kendralyn June 20, 2012 at 3:44 pm

    I must admit a small, tiny, little nugget of truth…I’m a former police officer and I totally have had and do have the same convenience store thoughts!!! Just thought you should know! :)

    • Reply Roo June 20, 2012 at 8:27 pm

      Whoaaaaaaa! Does that make me an honorary police officer?

  • Reply Jennifer June 20, 2012 at 11:13 pm

    I totally do that in convenience stores.

  • Reply Cathy June 21, 2012 at 9:26 pm

    After reading a novel where a scenario like this played out, I plan stuff like this too. Not just in convenience stores, in restaurants, etc… .Hubby just took the concealed carry course last weekend and I plan to soon as well. Just in case. ;)

  • Reply Monica June 21, 2012 at 10:07 pm

    I am ready with plans for everything too! I plan to fight but if something bad ever happens I don’t know if that would really happen. But to anyone stalking me and planning to break in… I plan to get all momma-bear on your ass and you better be scared!! (I hope :)

  • Reply Kristie June 21, 2012 at 10:36 pm

    I avoid convenience stores at all costs. Something about the smell of them. It’s an odd aroma best described as a combination of newsprint and beef jerky.

  • Reply Celeste June 22, 2012 at 12:32 am

    not that he needs it, but please submit this to Daniel Tosh. The whole run on sentence thing there at the last is right up his alley. awesomesauce.

  • Reply Brandi June 22, 2012 at 2:51 am

    LOL Since I’m married to a cop in a small town, not only do I think these things- I have to stand next to someone who is constantly thinking OUT these things. OR, better yet- has made a habit of giving me their record. “I arrested that guy for a domestic”, “that girl just got out for dealing to 12 year olds”, “Brandi…that’s not a she…” (that last one recently happened).

    So, I don’t normally get to jiust imagine whether or not people are likely to rob a store. Usually, I have a pretty good idea of my chances.

    I do have my concealed carry license, though, and attend tactical defense classes (going to my first competition in July!).

    I’ll go with you to a gas station, Roo. I’ll even pay for the fountain soda, if I can have your Icee.

    • Reply Brandi June 22, 2012 at 2:53 am

      Ok, I’ve had 3 hours of sleep… I should have said “after dealing to 12 year olds”. She didn’t get out for agreeing to deal drugs to adolescents. Also, just*.

      I’m going to go find a nap.

  • Reply Links to Love « The Budget Maven June 22, 2012 at 9:40 am

    […] over at Nice Girl Notes wrote this hilarious post about fight or flight reactions. In most cases, I’d love to believe I’m “fight”, but if I was ever in a […]

  • Reply Tara June 23, 2012 at 1:10 am

    So I have to admit, your blog has become my read-before-I-fall-asleep “book” ever since I found NGN via YHL…from post #1 to this one. And I’m sad because I’m all caught up! You’re going to have to write more posts, Roo!

  • Leave a Reply